climbing a mountain.....

wow...I feel a little stressed, overwhelmed and totally drained... Life has changed.... in a snap..Although people say we will get the hang of things and everything will be habit soon..It just is so busy right now..we cannot just run out the door to do something.. we have to plan.. bring snacks, Craigs meter to check his blood sugar (Its so up and down lately) insulin too..which needs to be in a cooler...

With 4 kids, this can be a challenge....

The thing about this is that we cannot tell by how Craig looks, feel his head for a fever, or just "see" if his sugars are good... He will be playing then all of the sudden he feels like he needs to check his sugars and what do you know? they are 58.. well at about 40 he can be seizing.. that kinda freaks me out.. ya, its a lot...Everyone says he is still a "normal" kid...
no he is not..
he has to constantly check his blood sugars and adjust what he is doing compared to what it is..if its high, he needs insulin..if its low, he needs a snack or a quick sugar in the 58 case..anything under 80.... He cant just ride his bike around with his brothers.. especially now since for the first year his body will have to get used to getting insulin again and his pancreas will completely stop functioning....
It breaks my heart..literally..... its so emotional... to see him get upset..to see him get frequent shots.. just to see him struggling.. he wants to go and be active..but when he tries, he needs to rest and get his sugars back up..Yes, I know in a few months he will be more stable...
Im not trying to be a downer..I know things could be worse..he could have many other worse things.. but I am saying its hard....I dont say these feeling to anyone..I just type them because you know..we have to look like everything is just great..life is easy...putting up a front.. the kids dont need to worry...and if they see mom cry, they'll worry..

He had an allergic reaction to the Novalog insulin..so we changed the brand and the rash is finally going away...but now he has been getting headaches daily...and the day we changed brands of insulin...I went to meet him for lunch (I have to go to his school every day at 1130 and give him his insulin) the schools refrigerator froze his insulin..a brand new bottle..so...since he cannot eat with out having the insulin..I had to drive home and get the bottle we had at home, go back to the school and give him his insulin..then go back home to put it back in the refrigerator because it needs to be chilled... then call the diabetes nurse to get more insulin, because if insulin is frozen, you have to throw it away..you cannot thaw it and use it... who knew??..I am hoping the school will reimburse for the insulin, but who knows..
This particular day I needed to go to costco..so since I could not go in the morning, because i had to be back in time for his lunch dose..I had to go right after I dropped the med off at the house, rush to costco with Madi and be back in time to get the other boys from school...

And Hain wakes up and says "why are you stressed?"
really??

why would I not be stressed?

I still have laundry, dishes and a house to clean... while doing everything else.. I dont want pity..Im just getting my worries and cares out by typing.. I can do this..we can do this...

I am thankful for my family..and so thankful what Craig has is manageable.. but Im not going to lie and say its a piece of cake..Its hard, and I am emotionally drained..I feel like Im climbing a mountain..with a huge load on my back... and Im pulling 4 kids up too....I feel like I need to stop climbing and have a breakdown....Like Im on the verge of a complete meltdown..Keeping it together for the kids..is really draining for myself..I dont have time to take care of myself right now...I cant work out... or take a quiet moment to be alone.....I know, I know...taking care of yourself is important...but right now....Im taking care of the family..

I love my family...so much..and I am so blessed to have these kids! I know things will get easier....I keep telling myself that....We have so many things to be thankful for...I keep thinking about my family..we have (like every other family) had so many trials, blessings, experiences....what keeps us together as a family??

While so many families are falling apart...what has kept us together and strong??
Gratitude, faith, humility, and service are top of the list...My faith has kept me from falling apart this past few weeks...for sure.. Because I KNOW Heavenly Father has a plan for Craig..and although its so hard to see him struggling, I know he is a strong young man, faithful and diligent,,and I know he will grow stronger through this.. ..I keep looking at our little family..Im so thankful for..we are blessed with a good job for Hain..blessed to have good insurance to help with Craigs needs, A home to live in, and an amazing church to belong to...

This week should be good...Im hoping for a great week :) My grandparents are coming for carters baptism.. and of course we are having Carters baptism...so excited for that!! My little doodle is getting baptised!!