just a few things...

On my mind.....

Life: is good..I feel really blessed for so many reasons... I love my family.. we have worked so hard to get where we are today..We have happy kids..a beautiful home.. reliable cars... Life is just good:)

Kids: are busy...They make me so happy though... I have had a lot of pain lately..and yesterday Landon really wanted to help..He came over as I sat with a heating pack and he brushed my hair for like 20 minutes... My kids like hugs..and that makes me happy!!! They always want a hug..They are crazy.. but very loving kids..I couldnt have asked for more with my kids..I am so blessed to have been able to have 4 kids....

More Kids: You know I seem to have ups and downs about this... I think because there are always people having cute little babies in our ward. So I yearn for that sweet little newborn..Nights where you just lay with your new piece of heaven..The spirit of a newborn changes the dynamics of your home...Its just such a special time..Today we were at Target and I said "Awe look at those cute onsies! I want a baby!" Then Carter says "well just pray about it mom..my friends mom did that and they had a baby!"
So..then I had to explain that we are not having any more kids..because mom cant... So sometimes it aches my heart...but not because I am ungrateful for my kids... but just because I miss that time with my growing kids..They are just growing up on me so fast!! Slow down kids!!!

Pain: This has been on my mind a lot lately.. because I am constantly living through pain...I have been to my surgeon and he requested another surgery to take my ovaries out... I wasnt too sure about that so I went to get a second opinion... In which the new doctor said he thought it was probably scar tissue but he didnt want to do surgery to find out so I just have to deal with it and see a pain specialist to take meds forever...So then I decided to maybe go see my surgeon again... and I found out he moved to Mexico..and any referrals he had for me are gone... Lovely....freaking lovely!!
So I have just been living with it.... Physical pain is a hard thing...Its nothing I can control and it affects me so I cant do the things I want..Its annoying..
So now what do I do....go to see a pain specialist...or go to another doctor for a 3rd opinion hoping they can find the problem and fixit..go through a million tests again???? UGH..well I have been feeling lately thats what I need to do...See a new doctor..and try to get answers....

Marriage: Marriage is hard....It just is..Its work...but its worth it...11 years of marriage... ups and downs..hard times and great times... Its constant work..and when you get lazy its not a good thing....You just always need to be loving and attentive....always remember little things.....you cant just live through your life..You need to enjoy it.... DO things together... more things than attending your kids activities... You need that time alone as well....

Work: ah..I had a super busy Holiday season..Photographing a lot! Now its slowed down a bit... I am constantly learning..Which is good..I love doing it.....Its allows me to be artistic and bring joy to those I am photographing..I still get butterflies and get nervous for every single session though:)...that shyness in me I guess! But I like the outcome..I like the finished product..And constantly learning makes me like them even better!!!

Debt: is SO annoying!! Its a hard thing... how hard is it to not use a credit card?? not hard right??? UGH... we are close to paying off these cards...We have been pretty good about living within our means the past few months...which was hard during the holidays..but we did good..We just keep chunking away at the cards we had used during the year on our big house projects and such.....SO there goes our tax return.... gone on the cards... So that sucks..but it will be so nice to pay them off...Since I dont have them anymore to use...thats good too!HA! We will be debt free!! except our house I guess:) Ya that will be paid off in like 20 years!!!
Anyway this is our year to be debt free and oh how that will help my stress level!!! debt is stressful! Dont do it! If you dont have cash..you dont need it!
This was hard for us...I guess it took 11 years for us to understand it..ha! we paid for our wedding rings with a credit card because we had no money...... ya that started it:)....And when you have kids you just want them to have everything.... but realistically if you are in debt you arent giving them anything..... anyway thats our revelation of last year.. so I am so glad to have a new start...And putting all that money to pay off the cards was to easy let me tell you.... but its such a relief!

House: I as I just wrote have been trying to save money and not spend it...But I am the kind of person that likes change...so I have been updating some things in our house on a super low budget..I am loving it..I also have been looking at my fav store "Goodwill" for fix it up items..I think its super fun...and I love how things turn out.... I found a sewing chair (I havent had a sewing chair ever...) I usually sew standing up..isnt that crazy?? It kills my back... anyway I found a cute chair and re did the fabric for 6 bucks and i love it! I got some cute frames.. well they werent cute..I spray painted them white and they are expensive looking frames on a low budget....anyway I love it..its so fun to make something totally new:)