Prayer....works...

Sunday was a hard day.. I really wanted to go to church but wasnt sure if I was emotionally ready to deal with "church"...You know, everyone asking me..and me just being so sensitive to breaking down..ha

Well we went...And first off the had to sing "Because I have been given much"...really?? That Hymn always gets me!! I love that hymn...then, it was hard to drop Madi off in Primary... I checked on her a few times.. The first time I was getting up in class to leave and Hain says "where are you going?" and I said I wanted to check on Madi and he looks at me and says "Teri, she is NOT getting a cell phone!" haha

Anyway the lesson in Relief society was on prayer.. The teacher ( a sweet friend of mine)  had said how she was overwhelmed one day with all of her things to do that she stopped to pray and was told how to clean her house in a more effective way... Her lesson was a lot more than that, but just remember that..

Also the songs were about prayer and the last song just got me..I couldnt hold it in anymore.. The last line of "Sweet Hour of Prayer" said this "I'll cast on him my every care and wait for thee sweet hour of prayer"

 I literally was sobbing uncontrollably and was trying so hard to stop before the song was over.. I was so scared that I would make a scene or noise during the prayer!!  I felt so strongly the need to pray...I have not been giving the Lord my cares....I had been trying to "do it all myself"

But after composing myself and getting in the car to go home, the busyness of kids interfered.. We had to get dinner finished, eat and finish our sunday... Well Once the kids were in bed, and Hain as well because he was tired from working the night before..I stayed awake for a while..
 I tried to sleep but couldnt.. I got out of bed and cleaned the whole upstairs, folded laundry and did a few mending projects on my sewing machine.....I was up after midnight then decided I needed to stop.. and pray... I felt a strong feeling to stop what I was doing and pray... So I sat on the couch and then felt the need to kneel and pray.. which I really dont do often enough....
SO I said in my head "okay fine..."  I felt like if the Relief society teacher could get inspiration on how to clean her house better, I surely could get comfort to allow me to sleep ....right??

So I knelt down and sat there for 2-3 minutes..Then I started to pray..I started telling my Heavenly Father about everything going on and how I was trying my best and want to do my best and I just want help keeping it together..I almost felt like I was defending my need to get comfort..Then the spirit told me to "stop"...

.I felt the most comforting feeling., like my Heavenly father was literally talking to me...."Teri, I know who you are and I know your heart...Stop explaining yourself, Its okay....I know you are struggling and its okay to cry...I am here for you, you dont have to be strong. Let me be here for you..Let me help you "

I have never in my life felt so close to my Heavenly Father and felt so much comfort that I did in that moment... My tears were flowing and I took a few deep breaths..I felt so broken that day....but all of the sudden I felt strong..and at peace.....I just sat there in silence, breaking down in front of Him....and it was okay...

I do have a testimony of prayer and we always have our family prayers..I am constantly praying for my kids and for various things, but this was different..And I really needed it, the confirmation that the Savior is there to take my pain away, and to offer comfort.....I am so thankful for those moments...for the lesson that pushed me to pray... pushed me to have the faith to kneel and listen to the promptings given. Thank you Natalie for your sweet lesson...

I am a person who likes to keep it together..be strong..I worry about everyone else and forget myself.. This past 4 months have been hard, but I try to keep everything going .. The Lord told me in those moments that He will help our family through this..I am truly thankful for my Heavenly Father and for the comfort He gives, for my amazing family that I love so much and for my friends who have been looking out for me..

Yes things have been hard..and they still are, but I know we will be okay...does that make it easy? no..its still hard, but I "can do hard things"....and my sweet children can as well..They have been such troopers.. Madi has been understanding more and more...She asks "Is this a protein? Is that "free", meaning she does not need a shot....."Do I need my insulin?" (she says the word insulin so cute..)
She finished her first sticker chart for not screaming.. tomorrow she starts a new chart for not crying.. Its very hard for her..but she is being amazingly strong. She says her and Craig and another girl at church are triplets because they all have diabetes.....ha, she is so funny.  I love my kids so much!!